No more Carrie

Unfortunately my “Being Carrie Bradshaw” screenplay didn’t make it.  I’m too tired!

To start with, an IVF cycle is not at all what I was expecting.  I am a pretty healthy and athletic person, so I had planned on using this time “off” to really get back into shape.  I planned to hit the gym every day, practice the yoga I love, and eat better.  Unfortunately these meds have a different idea.  The first being that I no longer like food very much; almost everything doesn’t taste good and I feel nauseous quite a bit of the day. Great, right?  Now you’ll lose those 15lbs you’ve gained since college!  Nope, I have gained eight pounds in the past three weeks.  The second downer to my “get healthy plan” was the procedures that I’ve had done, the Hysteroscopy, the D&C, and then the egg retrieval, all require you to rest for seven days each – no hard core physical exercise and nothing that requires the use of your abdominal muscles.  You also can’t swim.  Let’s just say I’ve been walking a lot…

IVF also doesn’t play nicely with your body.    I have unexplained cramping on my left side, all the time.  As soon as I have to pee it feels like my stomach has ballooned and there is an intense pain.  My stomach is bloated about 20 out of 24 hours of each day; the other day I looked about 5 months pregnant. My body is now covered in “body acne” – it’s small and painless and no one besides me will probably even notice but it’s still there; I haven’t had pimples since Jr. High!  And the progesterone shots that I started last week (which you take in the arse) have made my backside so incredibly sensitive that I can no longer sleep on my back and I have to sit on the edge of chairs to avoid extreme pain.

Okay, so two paragraphs have now been dedicated to how crappy I feel, so I’ll stop that complaining now.  I honestly feel though that even if I felt like myself, Carrie’s life might not be for me.   I think the museums, the architecture, and the diversity is amazing and I hope to always be appreciative of situations such as this.  I also plan to continue to capitalize on every  situation and use each opportunity to its full potential.  But I miss the cookouts in our backyard, the lazy Sundays spent lounging around and working on the house, and the NO-traffic-all-the-time roads.  I miss my friends, I miss my family, and I miss Lenny.  There is something about Indiana that I just can’t wait to get back to.

In my defense, I feel much better having dedicated one blog to telling the truth about IVF; I wish I would have been better prepared!  This wasn’t meant to be a negative post… I just want women everywhere to know you don’t always have to be the tough guy, especially when you’re going through something so difficult.  I wanted to be the strong and admirable soon-to-be-mom when all was said and done, but now all I want is a pint of ice cream and a butt that isn’t throbbing (and OF COURSE, the end result – a BABY!).  Most importantly this post is meant to show that I love the life that Lenny and I have created and as much as I am attempting to make out of this new adventure, and as much more as I would be willing and able to give for my future family, I wouldn’t trade my current life for anything.  🙂


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